Time keeps on ticking, ticking...

 I thought this blog was long gone.  I had even forgotten what blog site I had it on.  But, here it is!  It has been absorbed by google and is just a click away next to my google drive icon.  I opened it and read a few old entries and was transported back to young motherhood.  Who was that woman?  From what I gathered, she was sleep deprived but incredibly busy and optimistic about EVERYTHING.  But, most of all, she loves her kids like crazy.  I'm still sleep deprived, but not from running after small children all day.  Life and its twists and turns is what keeps me up at night.  I'm still busy... kind of.  The kids are self sufficient and one lives in a dorm room on the Central Coast most of the year.  I'm busy trying to keep busy. I would say I am more practical than optimistic these days.  I have a little more difficulty seeing the glass as a half full because most of the time it is actually more than half empty. As for loving my kids? Yes, will all my heart and soul. There is a saying that goes, you are only as happy as your least happy child and that is one thousand per cent true in my case.  Covid has been a pit of sadness and anxiety that we are all just climbing out of now.  School is back.  They have made new friends. In short, they are thriving.  And, so I am happy.

Another Year In The Blink Of An Eye

Another Year In The Blink Of An Eye

It happened again.  While I was busy making other plans, life happened.  My kids grew up a lot more. I now have a 7th grader and an 8th grader.  That's right, two kids in middle school.  Holy Shit.  I just read a post for 2005 about my 3 year old daughter falling in love with "The Wizard of Oz."  What struck me the hardest about it was the fact that I don't remember it...at all.  When we are in it, deep in the moment, documenting it, taking photos of it with our phones, we just know that we'll remember this thing forever.  But, we don't.  

Here's what I do remember.  I remember how it felt.  How having a toddler and a baby was the most exhausting, isolating time of my life.  I remember feeling a love for two tiny humans that was still so new and unfolding.  I'm not tired anymore.  Not like that.  And, the love I feel for my kids is woven into every fiber of my being now.  I'm really glad I blogged about those first several years of parenthood with some regularity.  It's fun to peak back every now and then to remind myself of those moments that seemed like everything, but were really just small pieces of what has now come to be. 

Here we are, the first week of summer vacation, 2016.  Dad's out of town and I am doing my best to strike that balance between getting out and doing stuff, and chilling at home.  My middle schoolers need lots of both.  Middle schoolers?  Did I mention that I have TWO KIDS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?  I did?  Oh.  

Lastly, I just want to put this out there... I am gonna write more.  Yeah, yeah, I've said that before.  But, this time I mean it?  I want to mark stuff down so that 10 years from now, when my kids are adults and no longer living in my home I can look back and say, "Wow.  I don't remember that.  But, I do remember how it felt to have 2 middle schoolers in the house.  And, man was it fun."

3 tips to making it through Grade School

My last post on this now ancient blog was written as my son was finishing up Pre-School and my daughter was in the final days of Kindergarten.  And, as I sit here, my babies are each in their final days of Grade School.  What the what?!?!  They are entering Middle School together by some stroke of divine luck, just as they were the lucky winners of the Charter School Lottery system 7 years ago.  I've been trying not to indulge in too much nostalgia this year.  I've tried to stop myself from putting "the last" in front of every function they had at school this year.  I'm making an effort to look to the road up ahead and and not at the the one behind, because none of us are going that way.  I'm still going to be a mess at their Culmination, but I'll bring a box of tissues and sob quietly as not to make a scene.  I have found the that the best way to get through milestones like this is to reflect on what I've learned.
 So, here it goes.

1)  Stay in the moment.  Now is really all we have.  Right now.  This second.  Getting caught up in what you should or shouldn't have done yesterday will suck the life out you.  We've all had to figure out this parenting thing on the fly.  No one has done it flawlessly, and that should take some of the pressure off.  So, you've tried some things that didn't work out the way you wanted them to?  You can make a better choice right now.  You can put down your phone and listen to you kid, right now.  You can look at them and really see them for who they are, right now.  Not the baby they were, not the cute toddler, not the adult you think they are becoming.  Which leads nicely into number two...

2)  Love your child for who they are.  Who they are can surprise you.  My kids are very different from each other.  They each see the world in their own unique way.  They have strong opinions and feelings that don't always line up with mine.  I want them to know that I will always be soft place for them to land and the only way they will feel that is if I listen to them and react to whatever is going on with love and compassion.  Look, it's not easy.  It's taken me some time to realize that butting heads over stuff is counterproductive.  It's a fruitless exercise that leaves everyone involved with a headache.

3)  Be your kids' biggest fan.  So, your son wants to collect dead bugs at the park instead of play baseball.  Great.  Take him to the Museum of Natural History and get him some cool bug collecting gear.  And, stop imagining his childhood filled with baseball uniforms and championship games.  And, if your son loves baseball, show up for his games.  Show up for as much of his plays, back to school nights and recitals as you possibly can.  Because they won't remember what the score was, or how the play went, but they WILL remember if you were there.  So, be there for your kid.  Always.  And, in all ways.

And, that's it.  That's my recipe for getting through Grade School.  Three things that sound simple, but are very difficult to put into practice.  So, save yourself some aggravation and start practicing now.  That's the nice thing about this strategy to parenting, you can jump right in and try it out with your kids no matter what age they are.  You're a 60 year old Dad, with a 30 year old daughter?  Try this with her and I bet your Father's Day this year will be what you both always wanted.

My Little People

They are not babies anymore. Or even toddlers. They are grade-schoolers. He is in his last few weeks of preschool and she just completed kindergarten. They will both be at the same school next year. I am in shock. It feels like I turned around and I have little people living in my house. She is addicted to Nintendo DS. He loves animals and anything dinosaur. They are funny, cleaver and the best of friends. At the mall the other day she grabbed him on the escalator, hugged him and said, "I just love you so much." His reply? "Are you glad you have a brother?" Her response, "I'm glad I have one as cute as you." They still fight,... a lot. But, the moments of tendernss and caring for each other are more frequent and intense than when they were tots.

I haven't been working much this summer. Instead of being bummed about that, I am embracing the opportunities to swim with them, play video games with them, beach with them, chill with them, laugh with them.

My 2009 Wish List

I hate breaking any tradition. So, I am forced to jot down my wish list for 2009. Hmmm. That's tough. The only things that came to pass from last years list were: I did get new sneakers, my show L.A. WOMEN did play to great houses, and I got a commercial agent. My list of desires keeps getting smaller, too. Here is all I can come up with:

1. Enjoy the little moments of my kids growing up.

2. Catch more sunsets.

3. Learn more about wine.

4. More dates with my husband.

5. Keep challenging myself as a photographer.

And that my friends, is really it. I don't feel like I need any more stuff. In fact, I could add to this short list that I want to get rid of stuff. Because, what I really want is more space. More living space, more space to create and love and work. Maybe it's the Obama syndrome, but I just want to be a better person... in general. Oh, and I do want to post more blogs on this here site.

Peace

I have reached a man in Florida

So, I appeared in a commercial for Oust Deodorizing Candles last year. After nearly 30 years of auditioning (I started as a wee child) I finally landed a national spot. Not only that, but I was the "spokesperson." It was a 30 second spot, all me, in my kitchen, completely improvised. It ran for 6 months, paid me lots of money and enabled me to qualify for SAG health insurance for my entire family for 18 months. JACKPOT! Tonight, while browsing the internet looking for a this commercial online (to post to my website) a ran across a fellow blogger, who had blogged about... me! A man I never met. A single Dad from Florida, according to his profile, who works in web design and loves to organize stuff. Here is his "review" of my little commercial:


Oust commercial

I just saw a commercial for "oust" candles. The woman is in the kitchen cooking and complains that the odor from cooking fills the house and creeps into the kids rooms. So, she uses the oust candles to absorbe the odor from her cooking. If I could make a suggestion, maybe she doesn't need candles as much as cooking lessons. If your cooking smells so bad that you have to mask the odor with candles, maybe you should go out to eat. Seriously, I guess these kids never walk in and say, "Mmmm, what are you cooking". Instead they are saying, "Oh God, Mom, you need more candles. I'm going to a friends house for dinner".

Very, very funny. I love that I was able to rile up total stranger on the other side of the country. I hope I get the opportunity to do it again.

What I want in 2008

Okay, I feel like I need to make a list of everything I would like to achieve in 2008. Making a list in 2007 and posting it for all to see may have helped to manifest the things I wanted. So, here goes... practical, impractical, outrageous and simple, in no particular order...

1. More photography clients. Especially wedding clients.

2. My children to attend private school.

3. A romantic getaway with my husband.

4. Another exhibition of my work.

5. A commercial agent.

6. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with a great yard in Valley Village/Studio City

7. A flatscreen TV with Tivo in my bedroom.

8. Someone to clean my house twice a month.

9. A grand 40th birthday party. That's right, I am turning 40! Arghh....

10. Get my scripts produced on an internet network.

11. Mount my second installment of LA WOMEN to packed houses.

12. Get new sneakers.

13. Organize my office.

14. Save more money.

15. Snuggle more with my husband.

16. Do yoga once a week.

17. Get my husband a new car - a Hybrid.

18. Hang more of my prints in my home.

19. Clean out the garage.

20. Laugh more.

Okay, that is a much shorter list than last year. The truth is, I am so much happier now than I was then. I really feel blessed with what I do have, and it feels greedy to even make this list. My children are healthy and happy, smart and funny. My husband and I have more time for each other, I am working on several creative projects that I am very proud of, I have amazing friends that constantly surprise me with their unconditional love and support, we are financially stable, traveling quite a lot. Still, it's fun to dream and see what the universe has in store for me.