you gotta have friends

without friends, who would swing you?


There are two types of friends: those with children and those without. Those without are less forgiving when weeks, months and sometimes years go by without YOU calling THEM. Those without send you invations for dinner at 8 and tell you to please bring your kids. Those without rarely, if ever, offer to babysit. Those without don't understand why you don't "go out" anymore. And why you can't meet them for lunch on a moments notice.

Those with children don't expect you to be on time for things. Those with always have an extra diaper, change of clothes, jar of babyfood, snacks,... Those with can have a conversation with you above the wails and whines of babies and toddlers and not miss a beat. Those with can laugh when they are spit up on by your 7 month old.

It may seem that I have a preference here. Not true. It is simply easier to spend time with those friends with children. There is an understanding. A comradarie. We are both in the trenches and the survival tips we can share with each other are invaluable. I see my childless friends less often. Most of them have nine to fivers and thier weekends fill up fast with activities that aren't child-friendly.

I have a dear friend who had her first baby about 11 years ago. She was my first friend to have a child and I was very single at the time. Our relationship changed dramatically after her daughter was born. Being naive, I blamed her for that. I couldn't understand why we couldn't have the same friendship we had before. When my daughter was born I thought of her. I was different. And everything about my life was different from that moment on, my needs, my priorities, my friendships. The change is so profound that I can't put it into words. Those of you reading this with children know exactly what I mean. And those of you without children my be thinking that you know what I mean.

I have come to realize lately that I need friends. Those with and those without. It is so easy to spend every moment of my tending tending to the kids and every moment of my nights thinking about what else I should be doing for the kids. Along with "me" time, I also need friend time. All kinds of friends. Playland anyone?