two phone calls

I had a conversation with my Mother-In-Law and my father the same afternoon. My Mother-In-Law and I were talking about Motherhood. She was telling me what a great Mother I was. How patient, how loving. How proud of me she was. I took the compliments, but had to counter with. "...but I wish I could do better." She didn't know what I could possibly do better. "I could keep a cleaner house," I told her. Everything I pick up from the floor is replaced with two more things dropped by the kids. Toys, clothes, food everywhere. How do Barbie's clothes end up in the toilet? It is crazy the amount of mess two children under the age of three can create. She told me not too worry. "The cleaning can wait, your children cannot. They are only this tiny for so long. Enjoy them" I knew she was right and it made me feel really good about staying home with them everyday. I am lucky to be there to hear their first words, see them take their first steps, sing their first song. Mom's kind words were nice to hear, but I still felt a bit like I was undeserving of such high praise.

Then my Father called. We started talking about a family friend who was pregnant with her second baby. "It looks like she is doing what you did. Her kids will also be two years apart," he said. Then he asked me if I was planning on having any more. "I think we are going to stop at two," I answered. Without skipping a beat he said, "Yay!" with unabashed glee. "Yay?" I asked. "That is a strange reaction, Dad" He paused. "Ahh... I mean three would be so hard on you. You are already having such a hard time." Hard time? Well, yes, sometimes it is hard. Yes, I have been tired for three years. Yes, I have given up the spontaneity that a childless existence provides. But I have gained so much more than I have given up. How could he not see that. He is a parent, afterall. And I think I am doing a pretty damn good job at this motherhood thing.

While talking to my Mother-In-Law I had doubted my ability. While talking to my Father I felt absolutely certain that Motherhood was my calling. Why not have three kids? Or four for that matter. My husband and I turn out some pretty good looking kids. Well, because that would be four educations to pay for, several more years of sleepless nights, and having to go through pregnancy again... and again. So, Mom is right. I am a good Mother. And, as much as it hurt to hear, my Father is right. Two children is perfect,... for me.