cookies and milk

cute photo that has nothing to do with this post

I saw a friend today that I hadn't seen in months. I think it's been months. It could be many months, or maybe two. The Mommy time warp is difficult to break out of. People come in and out of your life as blips that very temporarily interrupt the daily routine. I get very caught up in this routine. I know that the kids need it. Straying from it for too long has dire consequences... like tantrums, screaming baby meltdowns and illness brought on by fatigue and nutrientless meals. I realized today that I do it as much for me as I do it for them. I still go to the Memorial Park for "nap rides" at least 4 times a week. I look forward to the quiet and my only opportunity to shut my own eyes during the daylight hours.

So, back to my friend. She has a son who is older than mine, but younger than my daughter. She works and her husband stays home with him during the day. We met up at a kid's bookstore that was having a charity event. I arrived with my Mother in Law and the place was packed. My son started screaming from his stroller right away and my daughter would not let go of my hand. I had to release my son from his bindings so he could practice his newly discovered walking skills, while holding my daughter's hand and listening to them both shriek in different octaves. I had showered that morning, but that was the extent of my grooming for the day. My hair is long because I keep forgetting to make an appointment to get it cut. My clothes are ill fitting, but comfortable. Today featured black velour style sweats and a maroon long sleeve T. My shoes are black sneakers that I bought at Shoe pavilion at the turn of the millennium. And, of course, no make-up was on my face. Not even lip gloss, which I meant to put on simply because my lips are so damn dry. I usually don't put much thought into my appearance. There isn't any time for it most days. I am only concerned with my kids looking put together and clean.

So, in walks my friend. She looks gorgeous. I mean, stunning. It's a Sunday morning and she is put together like she has a stylist at home. Cute knee-length jeans with the perfect high brown boot. I crisp white button down shirt with a fitted dark grey sweater over it. She has even managed to accesorize with a chunky green bead necklace and orange purse. Her hair recently dyed a dark brown that makes her light green eyes look even more dramatic. Fresh faced and rested, with her son on her hip. I attribute some of this to the fact that she has a fabulous career. Yes, she works hard, but she works "out there" in the adult world. She seems to have a strong sense of herself. That is something that has been slipping away from me, especially over that last year. Everything I do, say or think is in some way related to caring for at least three other human beings. I don't have any idea what is in fashion right now, what movies are playing in the theaters, what people are talking about around their office water coolers. And I have been unaware at just how out of touch I am until today. Seeing my working mom friend brought me face to face with my isolation in a way that I never expected. I love spending this time with my kids, but today the grass on the other side was a brilliant shade of green.