the highs and lows

taken moments before he woke up
and vomited all over himself

That would be filed under lows. We were driving back from Cambria, a quaint town on the central coast, when he filled the car with a smell of rotten fruit salad. There was a nice police officer who pulled over to see what we were doing on the side of the freeway with a half naked toddler on the ground. He understood what was happening pretty quickly and got back in his car to supervise from a safe distance. Poor kid also developed pink eye that same day. And that morning I was in the hospital getting an adrenaline shot to stop hives from spreading over my entire body. Mark that up as a low.


We had driven up there to see the seals that beach themselves every year to give birth. We timed it out so we would get there to see plenty of babies. They were cute and the day was sunny and nice. The 20 minutes we spent on the oceanside viewing these huge creatures was awesome. That would be filed under high.


My daughter is out of pull-ups and goes to the bathroom to do her business without being prompted. I am still in awe of this transformation. Three years of changing her are over for good. We haven't had an accident in quite a while and she doesn't like going on the little potty anymore, just the big toilet with her Dora the Explorer seat on it. This is a high! Cleaning the little potty out after each use was kind of gross.

My son is still waking up around 5am every morning no matter what time I put him to bed. LOW! I think on daylight savings time is going to change this. He is on some crazy internal clock that makes him rise just before the sun.

And to end on a high note, my kids are damn entertaining these days. They both did a dancing show together last in their PJ's. Both twirling together and laughing. Seeing my son copy his sister was adorable. And it was the first time he actually twirled. I have got to charge my video camera!

i want it now

one of my favorite photos from my first official photo session

I am staying positive. I am staying positive. I am staying positive.

I have had to repeat that mantra over and over since Monday. The photography class I was all set to start next month was full up when I went to register Monday afternoon. Closed. No waiting list. I can show up on the first day off class and beg and plead, but unless someone drops, I aint getting in. I have been having a lot of anxiety about this class over the last couple of weeks because it meets Fridays. All day Friday, for 4 months. Right now my husband isn't working on Fridays, but that could change at any moment. That would mean finding childcare. All day childcare. Someone to take my daughter to school a half hour away and then bring her back. Someone to take care of my son all day. I felt it my gut that something would keep me from being able to commit to this thing. I thought it might be the childcare issue. It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't even be able to get into the damn thing. And here I am with my very complex camera in hand and no one to show me all the cool things it can do.

I am staying positive. I am staying positive. I am staying positive.

Monday was a bad day. I was crushed. Defeated. My husband took charge and searched the web for other classes. And he found some. This Sunday I am going to a free Nikon Digital Camera workshop at the store that sold me mine. There is also a Photoshop class that is four weeks long I can sign up for runs every month. And that class is in the evening on a night that my husband is home. No childcare issue. This might even be better than the college course because it's not as big a time commitment. Then there is also a summer course at a private art school right near my house. It's a little pricey, but it also meets once a week during the evening and would give me college credits. I really want to do this one because I would like the challenge of weekly photo assignments and a diverse portfolio at the end of the semester.

I am staying positive. I am staying positive. I am staying positive.

So, although I had spoken to the teacher at the other school and planned on being enrolled for the spring semester, these other options seem more appealing. Maybe I wasn't ever meant to go to that school. It was just my first attempt to get the ball rolling and being shut out there may have led me to where I need to be. Once you find the thing you want to be doing with your life, you want that thing to start right now. I am staying positive, and being patient. All good things come to those who wait. And while I am waiting, I will continue to take photographs. Because that's what photographers do.

one of the first photos taken with my new camera

It's a Nikon D200, just over 10 mega pixels.
I am in love. One month until my photography class starts. I shot headshots for my sister today. They were great. I am so excited to take on this new career. More photos to come, at a smaller download size!

the winds of change

Ah yes, I feel them blowing. Softly, like a cool kisses on a warm cheek.

Change is the only thing you can rely on as a parent. Your children continue to grow. They continue to learn new words and skills. Their personalities are taking shape. Their appetite for life is insatiable. I find myself constantly trying to keep up with them. I learn and grow right along side them. Sometimes I am uncertain about who is the greater teacher. Is it me or them? I am more patient, generous and caring than I was before kids.

My son is walking quickly. I can't say running just yet, but that is right around the corner. My daughter is using her potty regularly with few accidents. She has also started to put on shows for us and family members. It usually consists of a dance of some kind with her in one of her many costumes. It is so cliche to say, "they grow up too fast," but I am amazed at how true that is. My daughter's face is changing from toddler to little girl. My son has all his front teeth and a little boy haircut. Gone is the baby with the mullet and the gummy smile.

Blow gentle wind, slowly, so I have a chance to let go.